Apr 15, 2022
Improving String Theory’s copywriting
I published some updates to String Theory’s copywriting today. In this post, I will discuss what I changed and why.
The first and most important change I made was to the first tagline a visitor to our site sees:
“Get custom heads from the best lacrosse stringers in the world.” → “Get custom heads from lacrosse stringing experts across the world.”
Declaring you have the best anything is lazy and doesn’t say much about your company’s products or services except your opinion which means very little to someone who doesn’t know you yet. Instead, saying that we are a marketplace of experts demonstrates authority and implies that we have some of the best lacrosse stringers without directly saying it.
The tagline change led to some changes in another section on the home page titled “What makes us different”:
- “Premium talent” → “Premium skill”
The word “skill” is a better word than “talent” to describe what our theorists have.
- “We hand-pick the best lacrosse stringers to be on one platform.” → “We hand-pick lacrosse stringing experts to be on one platform.”
Similar to the tagline change, I wanted to remove “best” from our copy.
- “Find your go-to stringer for a consistently great pocket.” → “Find your go-to stringer for a reliable pocket.”
This is a shorter way of getting at the same point—”great” was an unnecessary filler word.
I also updated part of the product description for our new “Custom Order” flow:
“One of our knowledgeable theorists will discuss specifics with you after checkout to ensure you get a lacrosse head tailored to your position and style of play.” → “One of our knowledgeable theorists will work with you to guarantee you get a lacrosse head tailored to your position and style.”
I like the new version better here because it’s more concise and the word “guarantee” sparks more trust than the word “ensure”.
The final change I made to our copy was to the subtitle of a menu item:
“Browse theorists from all over the globe.” → “Discover theorists from all over the globe.”
The reason I like this is because the word “discover” sparks more emotion than “browse”.
- Massapequa, NY